The Right Path

I know it is only normal to question if you are doing the right thing, following the right path, the path the God would have you to follow. During my past year quitting my preschool teaching/ director job and going to grad school full time I have asked this question many times...am I doing the right thing?

I know without a doubt that my gift is working with children. Always has been, even when I was a child myself. I have always had the gift of helping children understand things. Children have always been drawn to me. I have always been drawn to them.

I took another path for many years. I really enjoy business, direct sales, being my own boss. I did really well with my own business...if I could just keep scrapbooking companies from going out of business and therefore killing a business I worked so hard to build! Having that happen twice got me to questioning if I was on the right path, or if the Lord was shutting those doors because it wasn't the path he wanted me to follow.

After much prayer, I went back into teaching and working with children. While working in preschool my desire to teach children to read was strong so I decided to persue working on my masters in reading. Teaching reading was something I became extremely passionate about in my undergrad studies at Glenville. I had to tutor elementary students twice a week for one of my teaching reading classes. I LOVED it. The excitement that I got from helping a struggling child enjoy reading was exhilerating. There is nothing better than seeing a child unlock the mystery of reading and finally GET IT. Yet these past few months I keep questioning this path...is it really the right one?

So many opportunities have presented themselves, maybe not the easier path, because all of them take work...but maybe something I would enjoy more? Something that would bring in a better income? Kids can be a real pain sometimes...do I really want to spend my everyday dealing with other peoples unruly children? Do I really love kids as much as I think I do? My class last night left me questioning my ability to do this...there is so much to helping struggling readers...can I ever remember it all? Am I really cut out for this. Satan really had me on a roll there for a bit...and then the discouraging, stressful ride home in the snow didn't help matters ANY! The problem was, I hadn't even realized it was satan.

Why can't I ALWAYS remember that God is NOT the author of confusion?? Sometimes I am a little slow and need some help from others....

God confirmed alot of things for me today! It started out by reading Courtney Walsh's blog. Here is a little excerpt of her blog posting today:

"She grows. And grows. And suddenly, she looks in the mirror and sees that she’s wasted years running in the slow lane. She’s spent countless hours trying to please the people around her. People she thought mattered but didn’t. Trying to suppress her gifts, as if handing them back to God were a better idea than embracing them.

And she looks up to the sky and she asks, humbly…give me one more chance?

And God, in his infinite grace, bestows upon her a new opportunity. The chance to not shun the gifts he’d given her at the beginning, but to take them and use them… with all she had. To run faster than even she imagined she could."

That blog post ignited a fire in me. I wasn't really sure what was happening at first. I guess before reading that, I hadn't really realized this inner turmoil I have been having.

The Lord made sure to clear that all up for me real quick though! During class last night I learned that I had to tutor a struggling reader this semester. Starting out with a battery of assessments to detail the exact problems and then developing lessons to help overcome those problems. Everyone else in the class is taking one class at a time and are all currently still teaching. So they have no trouble finding a student who needs help. I was kinda worried about finding someone that I would have access to whenever I needed to get my school assignments done. I was worried about trying to do something at a school because I would have to work with the schools schedule and possibly not be able to get my hour sessions in during one sitting...which could make things complicated.

After prayer, I decided to post on my facebook to see if any of my friends happened to have a struggling reader I could tutor. WOW! Did I ever get a response! I had facebook messages, private messages and emails with people volunteering their child, a friends child, etc. One of my friends was willing to drive 2 hours to get help for her daughter. Many of these people saying that they had tried to find help but it is just so expensive to hire a tutor.

I went to bed and couldn't sleep just thinking of all those children struggling with reading, and wanting to be able to help them all. Some of these are children of my very good friends. While laying there, Courtney's words came back to me...."And God, in his infinite grace, bestows upon her a new opportunity. The chance to not shun the gifts he’d given her at the beginning, but to take them and use them… with all she had. To run faster than even she imagined she could."

I hear you God! I am on the right path, your path for me. While it may not be the path to make me the most money (have you looked at teachers pay??) It is certainly the path that can change lives.

I just had to get this all journaled so that when satan tries again to convince me I am not cut out for this I have it all here documented!!

Now to just figure out a way that I can help more of these kids. Is this idea of a ministry for struggling readers a path the Lord is leading me to follow? I know I don't have time for it right now with all of my classes, but it will certainly be at the top of my prayer list.

Thank you Jesus for being the light unto my path! Thank you Courtney Walsh for your inspiring words today! I love how the Lord uses other people to help you just when you need it, even when you didn't really know you needed it!